there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
