Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
