My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
