ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
