in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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