ya dads aren't the best wingmen
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
