I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
