Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Randomize
