but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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