Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
