went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
