You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
