dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
