I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize