i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just found puke in my bra..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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