pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My dick has a subreddit
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
