Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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