why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
