I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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