Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
