I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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