guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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