maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
