u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
