even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize