So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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