This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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