That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
