No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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