the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
