your room smells of hookers.
And success
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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