I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Help. Why am I so naked?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
