Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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