He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
be right there i have to get my cape
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
