My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
