So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize