I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
