he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
