Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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