I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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