If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Even my vagina gasped.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
