I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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