she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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