Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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