ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
