my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I need help removing her.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
