I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
