discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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