did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
