He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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