Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
