my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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