i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
