I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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