He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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