Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
