think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize