you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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