We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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