you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
