I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So vagazzling was a success
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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