I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
