I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
