My boss' voice literally gives me gas
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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