He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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