you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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