She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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