I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize