I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
