Tell her she can't have a vagina
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
