Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
