And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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