Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
