Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize