Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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