Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
