We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
