Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
