Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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