Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
