I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
