He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
