we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
