hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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