Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
