hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
so that wasnt chicken after all
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize