She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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