I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
