So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
