this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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