Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
