i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
