shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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